Today, as our first church meeting was close to ending, one of the kids turned to me and whispered, "Jonah just threw his scriptures." I looked over in horror, to see Jonah's scriptures across the room about 30 feet away, sitting right in front of another family. Jonah didn't look angry, and I was curious to see what prompted his choice.
I leaned over and whispered to him and said, "Jonah, I need to talk to you before you leave." Unsurprisingly, he responded, "Okay," with an exasperated sigh and a scowl on his face. As church ended and people began filing out of the chapel, I turned to Jonah, and before I could say anything, he said, "Mom, I NEED to go to class!"
"Jonah, we need to talk about why you threw your scriptures. Why did you throw your scriptures?" I inquired calmly.
"Mom, I NEED to go to class!" I quickly saw that he wasn't going to answer my question, so I took the opportunity to try to understand him.
"Jonah, why do you need to get to class so quickly?"
"Because, there's only one soft chair and I need to get there first, so I can get it!"
"Jonah, I understand that you would like the soft chair in class, but we need to talk about why you threw your scriptures and the importance of taking care of our scriptures."
"Mom, I NEED to go to class!" Jonah said anxiously.
At this point, I had the very clear impression. Jonah is not calm. He wasn't throwing a tantrum, shouting, or even crying. Normally, I would give him what ever he wants to avoid any confrontation or conversation that might lead to a fit. Because frankly, he has trained me very well that his fits are not something I ever want to endure! But, because we have been focused on the need for calmness, I raised up my courage and said, "Jonah, right now you are very anxious and agitated. We need to be calm before we can go do things with other people. So, I need you to show me that you are calm before you can go to class."
And then it began.... The tears. Oh, he's so good at tears! The whining. "Moooommm!!" The shouting, "I NEED TO GO TO CLASS!" But, mom was calm and anchored in self-government, so I said, "Jonah, do you feel happy right now?"
Jonah, paused for a brief second and considered the question, and as he cried said, "No."
Mom said, "Jonah, I want you to be happy, and right now your heart is not happy. You have to choose to be calm, and then you will be happy." I saw him listening and hoped that if I encouraged him, he would make the right choice. "Jonah, I know you can choose to be calm. You are amazing at this! I have really enjoyed how wonderful it's been to see you calm and to have your heart be so happy that you come up to me and give me hugs and tell me that you love me. I love you, Jonah. I know you can choose to be calm." I saw Jonah's face softening and a smile crept on his face as I praised him. "Jonah, I can tell you are really trying to be calm. I think you're almost there. But I'm going to give you a test to see if you have really mastered being calm." I teasingly said, "It's really hard, but you are so awesome! I know you can do it!" Calmly I said, "Jonah, I'm going to give you an instruction. I need you to close your eyes and take three deep breaths."
And then it came! The perfect manifestation of calmness. Jonah looked me in the eyes, said "Okay," closed his eyes, and calmly took three deep breaths. He opened his eyes and said, "Mom, I did it. Is there anything else?"
"Jonah! You did it! You followed an instruction! You are calm! Can you feel the difference? Do you feel how your heart feels?"
Jonah could hardly contain his happiness as he grinned from ear to ear and nodded his head. I hugged Jonah and told him he could go to class. We both walked away on cloud 9.
This interaction took about 5 minutes. Only 5 minutes!! 3 months ago, this would have turned out into a power struggle that would have lasted hours!! Not only, did this not turn into a power struggle, but it was an opportunity for our hearts to connect. Had I tried to take the easy road and just avoided confrontation, I would not have been fulfilling my role as his mother to teach him. Because I chose to fulfill my role as parent and Jonah chose to fulfill his role as a son, our bond has been strengthened.
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